The Randy Randomness Hour
(When the star of the show is a squirrel, you know it's time to get nuts!)
Location: Alamodome - San Antonio, Texas
Guests: John Doe, Captain Obvious and Chef Cinnamonman
1 - A crowd of 20,000 have filed in to watch The Randy Randomness Hour and they can be seen clapping and cheering over dimmed lights. The lights start brightening up as an armadillo, well dressed in a tuxedo and tie, appears on the far west side of the stage. A groovy and slick jazz band starts playing in the far east side of the stage as they perform on trumpets, saxophones, pianos, cellos and drums. Clearing his throat, the well dressed armadillo gets up to a microphone and introduces himself to the crowd.
Allen Armadillo: Good evening, San Antonio, Texas! Ready to relax? Ready to laugh? Ready to shoot the breeze and ad lib until you fall asleep? Well, this is the show for you! Ladies and gentlemen! We bring to you... The Randy Randomness Hour!
Crowd: *round of applause* *loud cheers*
Allen Armadillo: I 'm Allen Armadillo and I'll be providing color commentary! Now here's the star of the show, your multifaceted, talented host... RANDY RANDOMNESS!
Crowd: RANDY! RANDY! RANDY! RANDY!
2 - Right on cue, an energetic squirrel, well dressed in a blue business suit and red bow tie, storms out once the curtains are lifted. Capitalizing on his fast start, the squirrel slides on his knees and does a double fist pump as if he just scored a goal in soccer. The squirrel then jumps up and takes off his signature blue top hat to salute the cheering San Antonio crowd. The squirrel puts his top hat back on.
Randy Randomness: HOWDY HOOTENANNY! Congratulations to you, San Antonio! You guys get to witness a pleasant train wreck of a show that will hopefully last longer than 10 minutes because The Network signed me up for 1 hour shows! It's in my contract, right?
Allen: Uh... Randy, your introduction piece? Please?
Randy: Oh yes! Give it up for my partner in crime, Allen Armadillo, over there! He may not have much of a funny bone, but he certainly is a good buddy of mine! I always like what you do, Bro! Anyway, I am Randy Randomness and since I am a squirrel I can get nutty and out there! For this next hour, I will bring out guests and we'll chat about anything!
Allen: Anything? I thought we were supposed to talk about video game topics!
Randy: You know what I meant! As for these special guests, I'll bring out a dude named John Doe... whoever he is! Captain Obvious, who is predictable in his responses, will also be here! Annnndd... last but not least we'll have a chef on the show! His name is Chef Cinnamonman? Hmm... I wonder if he'll use cinnamon in a meal or two?
Allen: Got any segments lined up for this show as well?
Randy: You know what, Allen? I'm pretty random and I can come up with segments on the fly! I plan them all up in my head as I go along!
Allen: That alone is a scary thought...
Randy: Hey! Since this is considered the "Pilot Episode" of The Randy Randomness Hour, I figure we should do something related to pilots! Makes sense, huh?
Allen: I don't seem to follow, Randy.
Randy: Think about it! Pilots! What do you think of when you mention that word? You think of aviators flying their planes up in the sky or you think of sea pilots, captains of naval command embarking on daring missions that involve torpedoes and stuff!
Allen: There have been plenty of video games that have featured...
Randy: Sorry to cut ya off, Al, but I need to take a seat in my comfortable chair over there! Hey! Look! A nice clean desk, too! Oh! Did someone make coffee for me?
Allen: I can tell where this show is going already...
3 - The jazz band resume playing their music as Randy Randomness starts showboating his way over to his desk. However, he has difficulty getting there as he accidentally steps on his own long squirrel tail, tripping himself down to the floor as a result. The crowd laughs in response to this. Randy gets up but falls down again once he trips over his top hat. Allen Armadillo rolls his eyes and drinks out of a glass of apple cider. Randy finally jumps into his comfortable chair and takes a sip of his freshly made coffee. He puts on a goofy smile.
Randy: Ah! Gotta love Bermuda Triangle Mappuccino! My favorite! Anyway, let's start off with a segment that we actually had planned beforehand! *gets out a Nintendo Wii mote*
Allen: Aha! Here we go with a video game reference!
Randy: Press the 1 button on the Wii mote to... *presses the 1 button*
4 - A huge jumbo screen like the one in the New Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas descends from the ceiling and video game footage can be seen. Super Mario Galaxy 2 can be seen for a few moments followed by Super Smash Bros. Brawl and then Fortune Street is shown. The people in the stands clap and cheer as they watch some of this gaming footage. Randy's eyes widen to cartoony proportions.
Randy: Whoa... That's one big TV screen! I'd hate to be the dude to pay the cable bill on that thing!
Allen: On with the planned segment!
Randy: Oh! Yes! *presses the 1 button again* Look at the screen, folks! I know! I know! I love watching video game footage myself! Here's the first segment of the show! It's... drum roll...
Jazz Band Member: *plays the drum roll*
Randy: GAME! SET! MATCH! Now what's Game! Set! Match!, you ask? *gets out a pack of flash cards* I'll get out some pictures of video game footage and I'll give you guys 5 seconds to pick out what's wrong in those pictures! Got it? Good-a-rooni! Let's go!
Randy: 5 seconds, everyone! What's wrong with this?
Randy: *goofy smile* Well, for starters, Superman 64 certainly broke the mold for 64-bit games, and.... it also broke many walls! Lots and lots of walls! Cut through 'em like Swiss cheese! Poor Superman! An outdated, overrated and overpowered superhero who can't catch a break! *shrugs his shoulders* Oh well! Game! Set! Match! Next picture!
Allen: Wait! Let me comment! What exactly were the developers at Titus thinking when they made Superman 64? I... I don't get it! How could it be so bad?
Randy: It's an "Unsolved Mystery", my friend!
Randy: Next picture!
Allen: This one's obvious to point out!
Randy: Okay, folks! 5 seconds! Spot what's wrong!
Randy: *raspy voice* "I'm so HANGRY! I wonder what's for lunch!"
Allen: "Hangry"? Are we merging words now?
Randy: You are correct, sir! Feed your wild side! Hangry! *fake angry face* I'm so ANGRY because I'm HUNGRY! *poses like The Incredible Hulk*
Allen: A rather unusual typo in gaming dialogue!
Randy: The game looks like a Sailor Moon rip-off! Am I right? Remember that anime show?
Allen: You could say that!
Randy: Gotta love anime, huh?
Allen: Randy! Relevance?
Randy: Next picture!
Randy: *tries to hold back from laughing* Another obvious one! 5 seconds! Spot the huge error!
Allen: Probably worse than the last error!
Randy: *shakes his head* For all the parents out there, how in the world would you ever call your son "Bimmy"? Oh man! *movie trailer voice* "A year has passed since BIMMY and Jimmy defeated the Shadow Warriors..."
Allen: What qualifies as Shadow Warriors today?
Randy: Ryu Hayabusa? Black Shadow from F-Zero? Shadow the Hedgehog?
Allen: Um... I didn't mean literally, Randy!
Randy: Still, though, Bimmy? Couldn't decide what to name your son? "Let's name him Timmy! No! Name him Benny! No! Even better! Let's call him Bim and call it a day!"
Allen: Hey! I know what that game is! Double Dragon!
Randy: This just in! Bruce Lee's family called and they filed a copyright claim against the game company that made Double Dragon!
Allen: Copyright claim? For what?
Randy: You know! Bruce Lee: Enter The Dragon? Get it?
Allen: That joke sucked, dude!
Producer: *whistles* Go to the next segment, Randy! We don't have time for two more pictures!
Randy: Mr. Producer Dude! It's my show! I can do whatever I want! Now for my next picture...
Producer: Cut to the commercial break!
Should I continue this Pilot Episode or is the show over before it began? Would you like to see more of this? I encourage interactivity, so let me read your replies! Steven Vitte is signing out!